I worked a double shift Saturday night. As a third shift worker, I enjoy taking the occasional active shift in order to get to know the kids on my dorms better and keep my skills sharp. I usually look forward to it, but it's a hit or miss depending on the day.
Sadly, my extra shift didn't really live up to my expectations, but then sometimes that adds up to even more than you could have expected. Fortunately, I can always pull out and hold on to the positives and learn from the negatives.
It's not generally politically correct to admit you have favorites, but then I've rarely been accused of being politically correct. You're always gonna have favorites; you just have to recognize the fact and make sure to treat everyone equally. Anyway, there are a few of the boys I was really looking forward to working with and getting to know a little better. Unfortunately, it was a couple of those boys who stayed in trouble through the night and thus weren't able to do much.
There's one boy who I see somewhat often at night because he wets the bed. This provides a fair amount of one on one bonding time, and so I've grown quite fond of the little guy. When it's just him, he's very pleasant and easy to handle. However, get him around the other kids and you get constant drama. One of the lessons I gleaned the other night came from both watching how my co-worker dealt with him and how I did. This boy has massive boundary issues as well as a penchant for aggravating the hell out of his peers, so much of the time we had to separate him from them. He spent a good part of the evening in what some might call "time outs." I think most of the time this intervention might have been helpful, but our execution sometimes made things worse. First of all, whenever we told him to go sit in a certain area, he began pleading for another chance. My co-worker's approach was to increase his time because he was trying to beg off. At another time I found myself doing the same thing. The predictable result was more acting out in response to getting even worse consequences. I think we both lost perspective.
So what do should we have done differently? First, when giving the boy his consequence, we could have improved by calling him over to talk face to face, and only then telling him what his consequence was, and for what behavior. Second, when he tried to beg off, simply sticking with the original consequence would have been better, and then reminding him he could go back to playing afterward. Third, I think the duration of the "time outs" was excessive. There were times when the boy complied for a good amount of time, only to still be sitting there not released to try again--resulting in him getting frustrated and acting out, only to earn more time. And last, we really needed to give more positive feedback when he was doing well.
Another lesson I gleaned comes from a strategy I used with a fair amount of success in my early days in my field. During TV time when the boys would start acting up, I simply switched off the TV and made it clear that I would turn it back on when the negative behavior stopped. This was mostly a result of me being tired and impatient. A better strategy would be to still have switched the TV off, but then discussed what was going on at that moment. Perhaps we could have gotten some issues resolved and been able to get off the dorm for some gym time. I really think we missed an opportunity.
Those were the two biggest lessons I gleaned from the other night, but I also had an epiphany on Sunday morning as I sat in a worship service. I feel this was the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart. All of a sudden a question came to me. I find it fairly easy to look at the kids I really enjoy and see how God is expressing Himself in and through their life and personality, but what if I looked at the ones I have a hard time getting along with and found His expression? How would that change how I saw them, dealt with them, valued them? That's an easy thing to say in a generic way, but what if I let it become a reality in my daily dealing with them? Perhaps I'd make fewer stupid mistakes like the ones described above.
Okay, lessons learned is a good thing. Let's talk about the fun, pleasant moments.
*We had a little six-year-old from another dorm hanging out with us on our dorm. That little guy is a real pistol. My co-worker spent a lot of time dealing with his negative behavior, having separated him from the older ones in an adjoining room. But when he wasn't acting up, we kept the little guy busy running back and forth across the dorm to demonstrate how fast he was, then varying the theme by having him do the same thing on hands and feet, crawling like an army man, and any other variation my co-worker could think of. Naturally some of the other boys wanted to get in on that act as well, so laughs were shared all around.
*When I arrived for the day I was immediately greeted enthusiastically by the boy who later spent most of his evening in time outs and such. I was treated to a hug and lots of chatter from him. Throughout the evening I would periodically cheer him up by exploiting his inability to keep from cracking a smile and laughing whenever I told him sternly "you'd BETTER not smile" or gave him the evil eye.
*The second boy I had really been looking forward to working with was really having difficulty keeping his anger in check. Fortunately he was willing to chat with me about it and talk about what has helped him in the past with his anger. I was able to help him out because I'd seen him do it well the last time I worked an evening with him. This same boy later started a little trend when he lay on the floor and stuck his legs up on a table, lifting his upper body in an amazing show of ab strength--especially since he's a pretty chunky kid. He ended up showing the rest of the boys up as none of them--even the really trim ones--could do it more than once.
*The third boy I had really been looking forward to working with that day was just pleasant and fun in general that night, without any real standout moments. However, he WAS funny at bedtime when I went to say goodnight to him and found he had snuck a snack into his room. This kid is SO bad at being sneaky and dishonest because he always gives himself away. I hope he never becomes a politician, because he can't lie to save his life.
*Then there's the fourth boy I had really been looking forward to working with. He's kind of a nerdy little guy, so naturally we hit it off really well when I worked with him the first time. He was just fun and pleasant in general and since he stayed out of trouble the whole night I was able to give him more positive personal attention throughout the evening. However, the most memorable moment was at bedtime when, out of the blue, he looked at me, waved his hand in a "jedi mind trick" move and said something like "you don't want to send us to bed now. You want to let us stay up late." It was especially hilarious because I had been contemplating doing the same thing with another kid I knew would get the reference. Well now I think I may have a new favorite kid--just kidding, but only slightly.
So by the time my normal 10pm-6am shift started and I had to go to the other dorm, I was already exhausted. Fortunately, I was able to get through the night without any kids waking up to start drama, but my night was capped off with one little boy waking about 20 minutes before my shift ended. This kid often wakes early, but sits and plays in his bed quietly, so I had the opportunity to have a short little chat with him and give him positive feedback and encouragement.
What better way to end this post but with a limerick. But I don't do limericks, so y'all are gonna have to make do with this wholly unsatisfying last paragraph. Heh. You see what I did there?
Sadly, my extra shift didn't really live up to my expectations, but then sometimes that adds up to even more than you could have expected. Fortunately, I can always pull out and hold on to the positives and learn from the negatives.
It's not generally politically correct to admit you have favorites, but then I've rarely been accused of being politically correct. You're always gonna have favorites; you just have to recognize the fact and make sure to treat everyone equally. Anyway, there are a few of the boys I was really looking forward to working with and getting to know a little better. Unfortunately, it was a couple of those boys who stayed in trouble through the night and thus weren't able to do much.
There's one boy who I see somewhat often at night because he wets the bed. This provides a fair amount of one on one bonding time, and so I've grown quite fond of the little guy. When it's just him, he's very pleasant and easy to handle. However, get him around the other kids and you get constant drama. One of the lessons I gleaned the other night came from both watching how my co-worker dealt with him and how I did. This boy has massive boundary issues as well as a penchant for aggravating the hell out of his peers, so much of the time we had to separate him from them. He spent a good part of the evening in what some might call "time outs." I think most of the time this intervention might have been helpful, but our execution sometimes made things worse. First of all, whenever we told him to go sit in a certain area, he began pleading for another chance. My co-worker's approach was to increase his time because he was trying to beg off. At another time I found myself doing the same thing. The predictable result was more acting out in response to getting even worse consequences. I think we both lost perspective.
So what do should we have done differently? First, when giving the boy his consequence, we could have improved by calling him over to talk face to face, and only then telling him what his consequence was, and for what behavior. Second, when he tried to beg off, simply sticking with the original consequence would have been better, and then reminding him he could go back to playing afterward. Third, I think the duration of the "time outs" was excessive. There were times when the boy complied for a good amount of time, only to still be sitting there not released to try again--resulting in him getting frustrated and acting out, only to earn more time. And last, we really needed to give more positive feedback when he was doing well.
Another lesson I gleaned comes from a strategy I used with a fair amount of success in my early days in my field. During TV time when the boys would start acting up, I simply switched off the TV and made it clear that I would turn it back on when the negative behavior stopped. This was mostly a result of me being tired and impatient. A better strategy would be to still have switched the TV off, but then discussed what was going on at that moment. Perhaps we could have gotten some issues resolved and been able to get off the dorm for some gym time. I really think we missed an opportunity.
Those were the two biggest lessons I gleaned from the other night, but I also had an epiphany on Sunday morning as I sat in a worship service. I feel this was the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart. All of a sudden a question came to me. I find it fairly easy to look at the kids I really enjoy and see how God is expressing Himself in and through their life and personality, but what if I looked at the ones I have a hard time getting along with and found His expression? How would that change how I saw them, dealt with them, valued them? That's an easy thing to say in a generic way, but what if I let it become a reality in my daily dealing with them? Perhaps I'd make fewer stupid mistakes like the ones described above.
Okay, lessons learned is a good thing. Let's talk about the fun, pleasant moments.
*We had a little six-year-old from another dorm hanging out with us on our dorm. That little guy is a real pistol. My co-worker spent a lot of time dealing with his negative behavior, having separated him from the older ones in an adjoining room. But when he wasn't acting up, we kept the little guy busy running back and forth across the dorm to demonstrate how fast he was, then varying the theme by having him do the same thing on hands and feet, crawling like an army man, and any other variation my co-worker could think of. Naturally some of the other boys wanted to get in on that act as well, so laughs were shared all around.
*When I arrived for the day I was immediately greeted enthusiastically by the boy who later spent most of his evening in time outs and such. I was treated to a hug and lots of chatter from him. Throughout the evening I would periodically cheer him up by exploiting his inability to keep from cracking a smile and laughing whenever I told him sternly "you'd BETTER not smile" or gave him the evil eye.
*The second boy I had really been looking forward to working with was really having difficulty keeping his anger in check. Fortunately he was willing to chat with me about it and talk about what has helped him in the past with his anger. I was able to help him out because I'd seen him do it well the last time I worked an evening with him. This same boy later started a little trend when he lay on the floor and stuck his legs up on a table, lifting his upper body in an amazing show of ab strength--especially since he's a pretty chunky kid. He ended up showing the rest of the boys up as none of them--even the really trim ones--could do it more than once.
*The third boy I had really been looking forward to working with that day was just pleasant and fun in general that night, without any real standout moments. However, he WAS funny at bedtime when I went to say goodnight to him and found he had snuck a snack into his room. This kid is SO bad at being sneaky and dishonest because he always gives himself away. I hope he never becomes a politician, because he can't lie to save his life.
*Then there's the fourth boy I had really been looking forward to working with. He's kind of a nerdy little guy, so naturally we hit it off really well when I worked with him the first time. He was just fun and pleasant in general and since he stayed out of trouble the whole night I was able to give him more positive personal attention throughout the evening. However, the most memorable moment was at bedtime when, out of the blue, he looked at me, waved his hand in a "jedi mind trick" move and said something like "you don't want to send us to bed now. You want to let us stay up late." It was especially hilarious because I had been contemplating doing the same thing with another kid I knew would get the reference. Well now I think I may have a new favorite kid--just kidding, but only slightly.
So by the time my normal 10pm-6am shift started and I had to go to the other dorm, I was already exhausted. Fortunately, I was able to get through the night without any kids waking up to start drama, but my night was capped off with one little boy waking about 20 minutes before my shift ended. This kid often wakes early, but sits and plays in his bed quietly, so I had the opportunity to have a short little chat with him and give him positive feedback and encouragement.
What better way to end this post but with a limerick. But I don't do limericks, so y'all are gonna have to make do with this wholly unsatisfying last paragraph. Heh. You see what I did there?
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